Breakfast Freakout

Dude finds an egg inside of his egg.

Daddy's Girls

And you thought your family was weird...



You'll be hooked on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com. Looks like the chimp is rockin' some velcro ROOS.

Mojo Hairdo

"Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts."

Jim Morrison

Traffic Jack

Electronic billboard in Moscow hacked to show porn video, see it here.

Live to Ride

Well, I was looking forward to bike riding this spring.



via

Food bin Laden Hates

I'm back! And now for our first course:

8 Great Foods for Explaining Why The Terrorists Hate Us -- powered by Cracked.com

File Under WTF?

This is what I found when searching for a quote just now... this has to be a joke.



What in the hell is some Hell's Angel's mugshot doing in an ad directed towards mothers seeking higher education? Full screenshot here. Ad seen here.

Photo Spread

Mmm, butter.

Light Reading

This is cool:

7 Books We Lost to History That Would Have Changed the World

The vast majority of the knowledge humans have assembled over the centuries, has been lost. The world's geniuses either kept their revelations to themselves and then died, or else they put it down on paper which has long since rotted or burned or been used to line some parakeet's cage.

Obviously we'll never know what great books have been lost to time, but we have clues on some of them, and what those clues tell us is mind-boggling, and a little bit depressing. If you could make a library out of just books that didn't survive, you'd have a collection of some of the best freaking books ever written.

Nice Turntables

Smart St. Nick

"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year."

Victor Borge

Fugly Fox Top

You have got to be shitting me...

Billionaire Cave Men

Two dudes living in a cave to inherit billions.

Dong Number

Florida governor's health hotline directs callers to sex chat line.

It's a state-sponsored blooper for the ages: for two months, a recording by Florida Governor Charlie Crist played when parents called KidCare to get advice on health policies for their children. In the audio, Crist gave a number to call for more information. As it happened, that number was a little off.

Instead of details on child health care, callers were redirected to this: "Hey there, sexy guy. Welcome to an exciting new way to go live, one on one, with hot, horny girls waiting right now to talk to you."

Christmas Stinker

Glenn Beck's movie "The Christmas Sweater – A Return To Redemption" bombs in theaters.

In New York, Beck sold 17 tickets. In Boston, another 17. And in Washington, D.C., the hotbed of political activism, his tearful film drew only 30, Raw Story has found.

Glenn Beck's new movie The Christmas Sweater – A Return To Redemption -- released for a viewing Thursday night in hundreds of theaters across the country. While it performed better in the south and in rural, more conservative areas, his ability to draw viewers in major US markets was a bust.

I hadn't even heard of the fucking thing.

Nasty Claus

You've gotta check out "loadedsanta" on Twitter. Fucking hilarious.



via Tosh.0 Blog

Jesus Built My Pick-Up

Dude says Jesus shows up on the truck's window in the morning.



Jim Stevens, of Jonesbororugh, Tennessee, says the face has appeared nearly every morning for the last two weeks.

Mr Stevens admits he's not a particularly religious person, but says he has been awed by the experience.

Commercial Buzz

WTF?!

Blame Game

"Rich people pay Fox people to make middle class people blame poor people."

Comedian John Fugelsang on Friday's Stephanie Miller Show.

Cake to Die For

When zombie fans wed we all benefit. Peep this cool cake.

Two Dollar Bill, Y'all

This is hilarious... Goddamn, people are stupid.

The Daily Snow

Jon Stewart calls CNN on their bullshit.

On his Monday Daily Show, Stewart skewered CNN for tearing apart a comedy skit when they don't even bother to fact check their own guests.

"You fact checked an SNL sketch?" Stewart remarked. "That's what you fact checked?... You got together, did some research, and put together a report on a Saturday Night Live Sketch?

"While you were doing your research did you also find that sharks live in water and don't deliver candy grams. That there's no African American equivalent of Mr. Rogers? And that the majority of boxes don't have dicks in them?"

No Macho

Women on the pill prefer "less macho men"?

In Jon We Trust

Jon Stewart America's most trusted anchor?

Enjoy the Ride

Full Moon Fever

Canadians to bare their bums in protest of US spying?

A Canadian man is planning what local press called a "moon mission" in protest of a U.S. spy balloon being tested for the Department of Homeland Security. In other words, when the balloon flies, he and other Canadians (he hopes) will give its operators a glimpse at how they feel about the aerial spying.

Reboot Your Mind

I've been revisiting some Terence McKenna shit lately.

The Whitest Folks You Know

On behalf of white people everywhere, I must apologize.

Nature Lover

Good lord, I could hike behind her all day long! BTW, Hike Naked Day was last week.

The Matrix Has You

Once you start, you cannot stop playing with ToneMatrix.

Props to Mac at Posthuman Blues.

Kat Smokes

Walk Tall

Hung like a horse? Now you can walk like one.

Apparently You Morons Didn't Understand Me the First Time

Guy in Montana flips out on jury duty notice & gets out of it after apology to judge!

High & Low

"Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent."

Friedrich Nietzsche

Dinner is Served

I finally caught that episode of No Reservations where Anthony goes to Saudi Arabia.

Frog Leg

South African bullfrog fitted with false leg.

Friendly Neighborhood Fireman

Spider-Man saves autistic child.

A Thai fireman dressed as Spider-Man used the superhero costume in order to coax the boy down from a third-floor ledge at a special needs school in the nation's capital

Shitty Watch Wristwatch

New limited edition watch predicts the future?

The watch features a bedpan-shaped section which turns brown when "the shit is about to hit the fan", claim the makers.

Swiss makers Borgeaud say the bedpan turns brown when dark astral forces are about to strike and will not clear until the bad omens have passed.

Plug & Play

Finland dude replaces lost finger with USB drive.

Photo credit: NEWSTREAM

What the Beck?

Glenn Beck is a crazy, blubbering freak.

In announcing a project that calls for Americans to turn back to the "9 founding principals and the 12 eternal values," conservative Fox host Glenn Beck repeatedly reduced himself to tears. Agitated and emotional, Beck declared, "I'm turning into a frickin' televangelist."

I Wanna Fuck You, Baby!

Van Hunt having some fun with the crowd.

Artsy Fartsy

Check out a ton of bad paintings of Barack Obama.

Flushing Rush

David Letterman rips Rush Limpballs during Katie Couric interview.

Bad Site

You've gotta check out the top 10 unintentionally worst company URLs. www.penisland.com is not what you think it is!

Bad Hair Life

Indian grocer holds record for longest ear hair.

Considered by Mr Baijpai, 58, to be symbol of luck and prosperity, his ear-hair has been growing since he was 18 and more importantly has never been cut.

Maintained by a specially prepared blend of herbal shampoo, Mr Baijpai has so far resisted the pleas of his long suffering wife to cut it off.

Nailed

Crazy lady's record setting fingernails lost in car accident.

The Future of Yesterday

From Paleo-Future, A Look Into The Future That Never Was. I love this kinda stuff.

via Posthuman Blues

Primetime Porn

Cable company sorry for Superbowl/porn mix-up.

Cable television provider Comcast apologized to customers in Tucson, Arizona, on Tuesday after the airing of a 30-second clip from a porn movie during the Super Bowl broadcast.

Comcast said it planned to issue a 10-dollar credit to subscribers whose broadcast of the final minutes of the game was interrupted by a scene from a pornographic movie in which a woman unzips a man's pants and performs a sexual act.

Keep on Truckin'

A huge cactus hitches a ride.

How to Survive the Apocalypse

Do you have what it takes to survive the apocalypse?

Belated Bill

The censored Bill Hicks segment airs on Letterman.



via Disinfo

Bread and Circus

Zombies in Area! Run!

Hackers change traffic warning signs.

Hummer Bummer

Drivers of Hummers get 5 times more tickets than the rest of us.

Special Delivery

30-pound brick of weed delivered to wrong address.

A man in Denton, Texas who was expecting a shipment of tools instead received a 30-pound brick of marijuana that police say is worth more than $10,000. Officer Ryan Grelle says the man opened the box Monday night, realized it contained drugs and contacted police.

Jacked to the Future

Remember when the future wasn't supposed to suck?

Ten years ago, futurists — professional prognosticators — were imagining how the first decade of the 21st century would change the lives of people around the world: what we'd eat, drink and how we'd spend our time.

Would we have robots in our homes to improve our quality of life? Would we engineer computers to become part of our clothing? Would we finally have human clones?

FOXNews.com took a look back at five predictions for the first decade of the 21st century that were made just before the millennium turned.

Creepy Crawlies

The 10 most disturbing animals on Earth.

via Posthuman Blues

Morningwood

Goddamn, that singer's one hot mama.

Zombies Heart Bikinis

Zombies + Bikini Babes = Super Awesomeness

Heroic

Real life "superheroes" exposed.

Articles in Rolling Stone and The Sunday Times this month introduce us to real life superheroes, basically vigilantes in spandex with names like Terrifica, Mr. Invisible, Master Legend, and The Ace.

Footloose

Demand for the "Bush shoe" soars, creates 100 jobs.

Ramazan Baydan, owner of the Istanbul-based Baydan Shoe Company, has been swamped with orders from across the world, after insisting that his company produced the black leather shoes which the Iraqi journalist Muntazar al-Zaidi threw at Bush during a press conference in Baghdad last Sunday.

Herbal Remedy

Xmas Pin-Ups

Here's a collection of Christmas pin-up girls to get you feeling jolly.



The text reads: "Personally, I'm willing to close my eyes to Reverend Thornton's methods - after all, the basket fund has already doubled last year's record."

By E Simms Campbell for Esquire (1939)

Be Happy

And now for Real Books/Fake Excerpts with comic genius Dan Naturman.

Chew on This

Company introduces pre-chewed pencils in order to help students concentrate.

Plush Love

If you were thinking of buying me a Christmas present, I'll take Bianca, one of the Teddy Babes, a line of plush sex dolls.

Jizzed In My Pants

I watch SNL religiously but I must have missed this one!

Reactions

From public nudity to a boost in firearm sales, here are 20 of the wildest reactions to the election of Barack Obama.

GOTV!

No lines where I vote, how about you?

No Treats for You!

Woman denies Halloween candy to kids of Obama supporters.

TV station WJBK says a sign outside Nagel's house warned: "No handouts for Obama supporters, liars, tricksters or kids of supporters."

Nagel calls Barack Obama "scary."

When asked about children who were turned away empty-handed and crying, she said: "Oh well. Everybody has a choice."

What a stupid bitch! I have a feeling she'll become quite familiar with flaming bags of dog shit, flying eggs, and TPed trees in the coming years as the neighborhood children seek revenge. That's why they call it trick or treat after all.

Rules Suck

Source

Anti-Gravity Goat

OMG, how did you get there, Mr. Goat?!

Endorsement

Full size image in erenemre's photostream.

Real America

Olbermann's special comment on the right's divisive politics:



On a lighter note, The Daily Show wants to help you figure out if you're one of Palin's real Americans:

The Stoned Age

Cavemen used to get high, dude.

Scientists have discovered evidence suggesting Stone Age man used herbal mixtures to get high.

The Vice Guide to North Korea

This is part one of an interesting and funny documentary about an American's experience in North Korea.



It's broken up into several parts, click here for them, you imperialist pig.

Turdblossom Steals the Election

Karl Rove tells you how they steal elections:



Learn more here

Get Out the Vote

Who is hotter? Liberals or conservatives?

Friendly by Nature

This is one friendly leaf!

Outspoken

MP3: Bill Maher talks about the election & his new movie "Religulous" on The Stephanie Miller Show.

Trippy Chocolates

Police closed down a Berlin sweet shop after discovering the owner was selling chocolates and lollipops laced with hallucinogenic mushrooms and marijuana.

Read more here. Now why can't I find a nice shop like this in town? I couldn't find magic mushrooms these days if my life depended on it.

Pole Vaulting

Everyone at the Olympics are horny, baby.



I am often asked if the Olympic village - the vast restaurant and housing conglomeration that hosts the world's top athletes for the duration of the Games - is the sex-fest it is cracked up to be. My answer is always the same: too right it is. I played my first Games in Barcelona in 1992 and got laid more often in those two and a half weeks than in the rest of my life up to that point.

...there were the female athletes - literally thousands of them - strutting, shimmying, sashaying and jogging around the village, clad in Lycra and exposing yard upon yard of shiny, toned, rippling and unimaginably exotic flesh.

Dingo Ugly

Australian mayor says town needs ugly women.

Paris for President

Paris Hilton strikes back at McSame. This is actually kinda funny. I wonder if Paris is really as stupid as she looks or if it's all an act...

Harry Situation

Prince Charles accidentally booked Dita Von Teese for Prince Harry's birthday party.

This Week's Headlies

Smokin' Good Time

Cheech and Chong reunite.

Celebrity Zombies!

Hollywood's been invaded by zombies!

School Daze

This is funny in a sad way...

Man Hits Bear, Deer Scares Bear, Man Shits Pants

This is some funny shit!

A cyclist in Boulder County was injured after a run-in, literally, with a bear.

Tim Egan, 53, was riding on Old Stage Road Tuesday afternoon when suddenly a bear appeared in front of him. Egan hit the bear and ended up skidding across the road.

"This bear looked at me with a look of terror on his face and sort of made a noise," said Egan. "I looked at him with a look of terror and we went, 'aaaahhhhh.'"

He cracked some ribs, suffered cuts on his head and had road rash. Egan said he and the bike flipped and flew over the bear, hitting the pavement hard.

The bear ran away after the accident when a deer appeared.

Read more here.

Cat + Sink = Cute

Got a cat? I have a few. They sure do like sinks, huh? I give you Cats in Sinks. I'm glad I stumbled upon this. I've got a few cat in sink pix stashed away somewhere.

Clipped

I kinda like some of these funny newspaper clippings.

Via

Home for Sale

Buy one house, get one free!

Best Blog Name Ever

Men who look like old lesbians.